Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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