i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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