I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize