If that was your dad, he is hot
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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