Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
