mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize