I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
