Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
