I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I enjoy the company of your penis
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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