You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
