I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
