Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
