just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Dignity is for republicans.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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