do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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