She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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