He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
