Nicole vs. Life
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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