I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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