I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize