Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
