Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize