What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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