How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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