i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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