Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
