New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
