Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
