Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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