he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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