i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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