I'm drive I can fine osifer
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
