I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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