you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
