she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
my liver is dry heaving
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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