is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I just got carded by a ten year old.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Randomize
