when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
