I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
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