He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
