i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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