i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
