I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Never joke about your clitoris.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
