I'm laying in your front yard are you home
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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