Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Randomize
