I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
