Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
