haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
