So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
