Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just gift wrapped bread.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
