I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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