That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
