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I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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