Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Randomize
