I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
