things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
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