we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
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