I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
