I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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