considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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