i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
