Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
