hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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