this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
