Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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