you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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