i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
