Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
