Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
