did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Pants are for mortals
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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